by Jacob Ninan
The greatest gift we can give to our children as parents is not wealth, education, property, etc., but to lead them towards God through faith in Jesus. We have only a short time with them before they become independent of us, and it is during these twenty or so years that we can teach them godly values and hopefully see that they have a personal relationship with Christ. It is our responsibility to protect them from getting moulded by the worldly values that start bombarding them from school and through the media and friends, and to help them to understand that God's values are eternal and unquestionably good and true. "Train up a child in the way he should go, Even when he is old he will not depart from it" (Prov.22:6). This training will not happen automatically or without effort, but only through proactive and sustained efforts from the parents. Children have a great potential, which can go towards evil or directed towards God. Like us, they too are born with a sinful nature, and left to themselves, they will drift towards evil.
Let us look at some of the wrong assumptions that some people seem to follow, which are not only wrong, but also, they will tend to lead the children in the wrong direction.
1. Children of believers are also saved
If we think of being a Christian as following that religion, it may be that children follow their parents' religion. But when we know that we can become Christians only by being born again, we will realise that each individual needs to make that choice. Perhaps a misunderstanding of Acts.16:31 where Paul answered a Philippian jailer when he asked how he could be saved. Paul said that if he believed in the Lord Jesus, he would be saved, and also his household. When we place this answer in the context of salvation as we understand from the rest of the Bible, we can see that it could not mean that when someone believed, his family members would also be saved automatically! No, salvation is offered to all, but each individual has to personally choose to receive it. Families or church members cannot get saved just by being in those groups. "The person who sins will die. The son will not bear the punishment for the father's iniquity, nor will the father bear the punishment for the son's iniquity; the righteousness of the righteous will be upon himself, and the wickedness of the wicked will be upon himself" (Ezek.18:20).2. Children will slowly grow into faith
They might grow into the religion of the parents, but even that is not guaranteed. The Gospel has to be preached (or shared) to them to help them to see themselves as sinners in the eyes of God and to make the offer of grace from God available to them. Many who say they grew slowly into faith many times have no zeal for God or a hatred for sin. Many times, parents who assume that their children are growing up in faith just because of their participation in church activities get shocked later on when these 'children' leave the faith because their questions were not getting addressed along the way. At the same time, parents cannot force their children to become Christian by compelling them to repeat certain prayers.3. Sunday school and Christian school will take care of their spiritual needs
While these may provide valuable support towards children's lives, parents cannot entirely depend on them to take care of their spiritual needs. Ultimately that is the responsibility of the parents. Also, sad to say, Sunday school and Christian schools are not always what we would want them to be. It is possible that some of the teachers are not believers themselves and also that what they are aiming for in practice may be to entertain the children rather than their spiritual growth.4. Assuming that, if they are among the elect, God will bring them to faith
This is a fatalistic approach based on wrong doctrine, and parents use this to absolve themselves of all their responsibility by placing the entire responsibility on God (and later the blame also!). It is clear from the Bible and also from the knowledge of God's character that He wants all people to be saved (1Tim.2:4). He does not arbitrarily decide on certain people who are to be saved and others to be condemned! He has given everyone the offer of salvation by letting Jesus die for the sins of the whole world (1Jn.2:2), and it is up to anyone who wants it to receive it freely through faith (Eph.2:8). What parents need to do is to present the offer of salvation to the children and guide them to receive it through faith.5. Push them to get baptised
Following the pressure from the traditions of the church, some children get pushed to go for baptism even before they are born again. Some churches even believe wrongly that baptism will cause someone to be born again! This places the children under great tension, knowing inside them that what they are doing is hypocrisy but going ahead with it because of peer pressure. This may even prevent them from getting truly born again later.6. Busy with work
Some parents convince themselves that all the hard work they do to make more money is to give the children a better life. But they forget that money is not the most important thing in life, and in the process they neglect to find time to instruct the children about faith and salvation. If the children get the best things in the world but finally miss heaven, what would be the parents' responsibility?On the other side, what are some of the things we need to do for the children?
1 Dedicate children to the Lord
In the Old Testament, the first born sons were to be dedicated to the Lord. But when we come the new covenant experience where all that we are and all that we have are given to the Lord to own, we dedicate all our children to the Lord. This does not mean that all the children will have to be 'full-time servants of God', but we are giving them to the Lord that He might fulfil in and through them whatever He chooses. If we understand it rightly, all of us have to consider ourselves as full-time servants of God, whatever profession or occupation we have (Col.3:23,24).2 Pray for them
Many parents pray for their children's earthly needs, but what we need to pray more for are their spiritual needs. When Paul asks us to pray for all men, his final goal is that all may be saved (1Tim.2:1,4). We ought to start praying even before they are born and continue to pray without giving up.3 Teach them from early
Many earthly minded parents go to a lot of trouble to give special training to children in order to have them shine before others. But our single most important goal for our children should be that they should get born again, and come to the godly life and inheritance that God has for them. So parents have to teach them from an early age historical facts from the Bible, and also help them to sing songs, memorise Bible verses, and pray.4. Become their friends
Keeping focus on bring children to salvation and spiritual growth, parents need to be in touch with the children, knowing what they are thinking, what they want, what their hopes and plans are, etc. God taught the people of Israel that they should make use of different occasions to impart knowledge to the children (Josh.4:20-22). We must be on the look out to identify opportunities to bring in a spiritual explanation or a discussion on right and wrong values. Children must be taught to obey what they have understood.5. Discipline
Children are born with a sinful nature like all of us, and their tendency is towards sin, unless they are guided and trained in the right direction. Discipline is a part of that. The first thing to make sure is that the children know we love them, before we correct or punish them. We must also make sure that they get punished only for doing what they knew already to be wrong, because many wrong things they do is because of ignorance.6. Explain the Gospel to them
This must be done according to their level of understanding, giving more details and explanations as they grow up. We must make it clear that they have to respond to the Gospel by repentance and faith, and not assume that just because they know the facts they would automatically accept them in their heart. Make sure that it is not just their mind that accepts the Gospel but that they respond from their heart.7. Model life for them
If our personal life and behaviour are out of tune with what we teach them, they are likey to be put off from the Gospel altogether. Of course, we are not going to be perfect, and so, one of the things we have to demonstrate is the humility to admit when we make mistakes. Children should be able to see that we are sincere."Behold, children are a gift of the LORD, The fruit of the womb is a reward" (Psa.127:3). Let us not lose them.