Jacob Ninan
As the population has increased in India and more people have moved into the cities, the traffic in many cities has become more and more chaotic. Admittedly, some cities are more chaotic than others! Even though city authorities are trying to handle the traffic by adding 'metro' rail services, flyovers, elevated roads, ring roads, etc., problems keep overtaking the solutions soon. Everyone seems to be in a hurry, and understandably so – children who need to be taken to school on time, office workers who have to clock in before the deadline, people who have to catch long-distance buses, trains and flights, ambulances that are rushing patients to hospitals, delivery boys rushing to meet their targets, etc. One result among many is that people are becoming less concerned about keeping the traffic rules as long as they can avoid getting caught. Many think that if at all they get caught they can manage to get off by tipping the cops. Another result is that people manoeuvre their vehicles on the road as if they were in a race, taking risks with the sole goal of getting ahead, irrespective of how they put themselves and others in danger.
Still another noticeable effect is that due to the tension involved, tempers get really frayed and road rage is becoming more common. When something goes wrong, a shouting match starts, with each one trying to pin the blame on the other. A pecking order also appears, with the owners of the bigger and more expensive vehicles trying to shout down the other party. Sometimes things end up in blows or even melees with the crowds pitching in.
What are your thoughts when you are moving through this traffic? How selfish, careless and reckless people are around you? Why the government is not taking enough care to build the necessary infrastructure? That corruption is the reason why people are getting driving licences easily? Thanking God for saving you from accidents and keeping you safe? Praying that He will take you home safe?
One thought that comes to me at such times in the midst of the mixture of thoughts is, "Something should be done about this." I think of the various groups of people who have the responsibility to do something about this and others who are trying to do their best to help. After considering various options by which I could get involved, I conclude that this particular matter is outside my own scope. Along with that conviction, I also conclude that the chaos is likely to become only worse as time goes on. I realise that, if I am unable to do anything about it, the next best thing for me to do is to accept the situation and calm down instead of getting agitated about it. My getting agitated is only going to steal my peace of mind and perhaps my health too! My focus then shifts to dealing with my responses as best as possible and leaving the problem to those who are responsible for handling it.
Some people will chip in at this time with the 'story of the starfish'! It is about a man walking on the beach where many starfish were stranded without being able to get back to sea. He picked up one starfish after another as he walked along and threw them into the sea. Another man asked him why he was wasting his efforts since he would never be able to solve the problem for all the starfish on the beach. His answer, as he threw one more into the sea, was that it made a huge difference to that one! Of course, this is a big lesson for us to learn that even a small act of kindness to someone has a definite impact.
But what I learn from the traffic is another lesson. There are things I am not able to change in my circumstances or situations. Once I recognise those, I can stop getting agitated about them and instead learn to accept their reality and make my own adjustments to live within those limitations.
Why do we work ourselves up by getting dissatisfied with the colour of our skin, the family we were born into, our inability to do certain things others can do (while forgetting about the things God has given us ability to do), certain comforts we don't have in life that others have, etc.? Jesus asks us wisely why we are spending a lot of our time worrying about how long we will live if we are not able to change it by worrying about it (Matt.6:27).
So, there are things we can change, and things we cannot. Wisdom is to know the difference and to put our energy and effort only into things we can change. This will lead us into 'rest' in our minds instead of allowing ourselves to be worked up about so many things in life we are in no position to change.This idea has been put across in what is commonly known as the 'serenity prayer'. "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference" (Reinhold Niebuhr). We must try to change what we can change. But when we come across situations that cannot be changed – seemingly with a wall blocking our progress – we have to re-position our thinking and find out the best way to cope with them without beating our head against the wall.
Just think about different practical examples. We find ourselves in a job that is very demanding on us and our family in terms of time. If we can find a better job, fine. But many times we may find that it is not easy to get a better job because the market for jobs has become too competitive and there are too many people available to take our place. Then we are forced to accept certain limitations in our situation and find out what we can change to make better use of our time with the family. In another example, two people get married with great expectations and soon they come to see that their spouse has certain shortcomings. They can go for counselling and learn how to adjust with the spouse they have, because the solution is not to start looking for a better spouse! It goes without saying that, instead of spending time and money for the impossible task of changing the colour of our skin, we can come to rest much more quickly if come to see that our value is not based on what people say but on what our Creator thinks about us. He valued us so much that He was willing to come looking for us and pay the costliest price ever to redeem us for Himself.
No one will deny the fact that life is full of adversities. Some people face one type of adversity and others face different ones. We cannot wish them away, nor can we insist that God should give us a trouble-free life. At the same time, no one likes adversity and we all would like to change things for the better if we could. But there are times when we come to realise that certain changes are not possible and that we have to live with certain limitations to our expectations. It is there that the wise man understands where to fight on and where to cease struggling.
There are people who are prone to being passive, saying that God will take care of them and ending up doing nothing about what they can to improve their situations. Then there are others who are beating their heads against the wall out of dissatisfaction for all their circumstances and never learning to enjoy the peace and rest God has prepared for them. The balance is found somewhere in between where we are willing to put in effort where we can change things and coming to rest when we recognise and accept limitations that cannot be changed.
We need to ask God for wisdom to know when to take action and when to get reconciled to the situations. We also need strength from Him to be able to change the things that can be changed and to manage ourselves when we are stuck with situations we cannot change. "There is an appointed time for everything... a time to tear apart and a time to sew together; a time to be silent and a time to speak" (Eccl.3:1,7).
-- Editorial in the Light of Life magazine, June 2019
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