by Jacob Ninan
"The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; A broken and a contrite heart, God, You will not despise" (Psa.51:17). What is this brokenness that is acceptable to God? This was the psalm David wrote after he was convicted of his sin with Bathsheba and Uriah her husband. He was broken with the recognition that it was against God he had sinned, who had loved him and been so good to him. Seeing himself as one who had sinned against this holy and loving God broke David. Comparatively few people look at themselves like this. Most people blame others, circumstances and even God for their problems, and hardly ever see themselves as a problem.
Some people see their deeds of sin, but not the sinfulness that led them to those sins. We sin because we are born with a sinful nature and this sinfulness corrupts every aspect of our life from birth (Psa.51:5). So, we have to see how we appear before this holy God. Compared to Him, we are ugly, dirty, unclean and totally unworthy of standing in His presence (Psa.51:4).
Isaiah was a prophet of God in the Old Testament. At one time God gave him a vision of the throne room of God, with the seraphim calling out "Holy, Holy, Holy" before God (Isa.6:2-5). When Isaiah saw himself before the holiness of God, instantly he felt convicted about his sinfulness. The apostle John who knew Jesus closely for many years was given a vision of Jesus in His glorified state, and John fell down before Him as if he was dead (Rev.1:12-17). The question is if we have seen the glory of God and seen ourselves in comparison to Him, even if we have never had a vision. It is this understanding of who we are in front of God that will break us. Then we can walk before Him in true humility. It is much more than seeing our sins, but also realising that we are corrupt down to our core.
The apostle Paul recognised this about himself. He realised that there was nothing good in his flesh, and saw that even when he wanted to do the right things, what actually came out were less than perfect (Rom.7:18,19). If we humble ourselves before God and look honestly at ourselves, we too can see that selfishness taints everything we do to a small extent or more.
So, one of the 'songs' Paul sang was about God's grace to the chief of sinners (1Tim.1:15). He saw himself now as a product of God's grace – unmerited favour – towards him (1Cor.15:10). It was because he saw this that he sought to serve his Saviour all the more. Who he was and what he had accomplished were all because of the grace of God. We all know the song, 'Amazing grace' written by John Newton after he became a Christian from his life of having been a slave-master. That is a song we can sing with meaning. But very few people sing it these days, and now even when people sing worship songs, there is hardly any mention of how undeserving we are of God's favour. Most contemporary Christian songs do not even mention sin or sinners and what God has done for us. The world tells people to think of how great they are and to boost their self-esteem by thinking positive thoughts!
Another song of a broken man is, "I can do nothing without You" (Jn.15:5). Those who have become broken before God know this deeply in their heart. Even when God has given them what we usually call 'natural' abilities and skills, they know that they are still dependent on God for making a proper use of them in a way that will have eternal values. It is only God's grace and anointing over them that makes them useful for the work of God. But this is not the song the world sings, or even many in the church sing. In the church, many sing the song "I can do all things." The world motivates people by making them believe "I can," "You can," and sometimes even the church does that, instead of teaching them the song of the broken man and helping them to depend on God.
Broken men also sing, "Not my will, but Yours, Lord" (Matt.26:39). They have learned, usually the hard way, that doing their own will has led them to disaster. Now they want to the will of God in every area of life, and so they keep studying God's word to understand the will of God for different situations, and allow the Holy Spirit to guide them. But the people of the world sing differently. They are seeking more and more independence for themselves, and a popular song they sing is, "My way."
A man who is broken before God has learned that the best thing he can do for himself is to lay himself before God as a living sacrifice, to continually do only His will in every circumstance (Rom.12:1). That was how Jesus Himself lived, making Himself a sacrifice to do whatever the Father wanted Him to do (Heb.10:7). If we imagine we ought to make our own plans and carry out our own schemes, we have not understood how to be broken before God.
This brokenness before God is very different from what most people refer to in the world. They think of being broken in their mind as a result of experiencing adverse circumstances, abuse, broken relationships, betrayal, cheating, losing a job, sickness, poverty, unemployment, etc. But brokenness before God is the result of seeing ourselves as unworthy sinners in His present, and accepting grace as the only means of becoming enabled to stand before Him as His children. Brokenness makes us stand bbefore God knowing our entire dependence on Him. God allows calamities and all kinds of hardship in this world to convince us that we need Him and then to draw us to Him so that we can get washed and cleansed and accepted as His children for eternity.
See what happened to Jacob in the Old Testament. He was cunning and shrewd and he was able to cheat his brother and father, and later to exploit his father-in-law Laban to become wealthy. Even though God gave him several opportunities to get right with Him, Jacob continued to depend mostly on himself. Finally, God had to dislocate Jacob's hip to help him to lose his self-confidence and to start depending on God. Let us not wait for God to have to do such things to teach us, but allow ourselves to stand before God and become humble.
God is waiting for us to come to that place of brokenness. "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me" (Rev.3:20). The context of this verse is about a backslidden church in Laodicea where the Lord Jesus is waiting to be allowed inside. But what we can also see here is the heart of God who wants to bless us but is waiting for us to seek Him. He has allowed bad situations to exist in this world hoping that at least they will draw our attention to Him as we recognise our helplessness without Him. Even prodigal sons who have wasted away all their father's wealth can return to Him – we can apply this to different situations in our life. He knows our frame, that we are made of dust, and is willing to forgive and take us back.
What shall we do? Let us give up complaints towards God and recognise that He is never at fault. Acknowledge our guilt for the wrong we have done, and for complaining against God. Admit we are too small to figure Him out and stop complaining because we cannot find some answers to our questions. Own up our sins and mistakes and admit we deserve worse than what we have. Ask for mercy as a gift of grace we don't deserve.
Then we will find God waiting for us with arms outstretched towards us. Let us become broken before Him. Then we can receive His grace, enjoy His love and fellowship and sing the songs of a broken man.