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We know that for any debate to succeed, both sides should aim at reaching the truth. This means that both sides may have to concede some mistakes or wrong ideas and also accept new ideas from the other. But our fallen human nature is such that most people are only interested in telling others what they think, and not in listening or learning from the others. Even when we watch some well known people debate theological issues, the sad thing to see is that when their turn comes, many times both keep saying what they had come prepared with. They don't seem to make any serious attempt to consider what the other has said, modify what they had wrongly assumed and adapt to the truth!

Another thing that happens when it comes to doctrinal issues in a church, is that many people take a black or white approach. For example, someone says there should not be any use of musical instruments in the church because the New Testament does not directly ask us to use them! Then the church gets divided! One leader has a particular interpretation of a verse, and anyone who disagrees has a spirit of rebellion! We may think that these are extreme examples, but these show our fallen nature.

A very common thing in discussions, especially on interpersonal matters, is that when one person says something, the other person catches on to one particular word and takes the discussion entirely in a new direction. In that process, they get completely diverted from the original subject. This is one way things turn into a quarrel and go out of control!

We may say glibly that none of us is perfect. But why don't we recognise that for ourselves and let that knowledge guide our interactions? But our selfish, sinful nature compels us to focus our attention on other people's faults and do all kinds of things to protect ourselves from realising any of our own faults. Think of marriages where each person is trying to prove the other's faults, and becoming too busy with that to consider their own faults! Obviously, this can only cause more problems.

We have to consider two aspects of this situation. The first thing is to be able to survive in our life together with other people. The second is to make progress in our own life and to constantly improve our relationship with others. Remember, we are all of us imperfect. Just as others are causing us problems by the way they behave, we too are giving them trouble. But we can do very little to change others. We should be focussing on becoming better in our own personal life as well as in our interpersonal relationships. "So, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you" (Co.3:12,13). Much of this needs to happen in our debates and discussions, doesn't it? Let us be eager to learn.

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