Overlooking a transgression

Many times the difficulty we experience when we try to forgive someone is when we remember again and again what they have done to us, and relive the hurt and pain we have suffered from them. We feel it is unfair that apparently they are going on with their lives as if they have not done anything wrong, and we are suffering. We wait, perhaps even pray, for them to recognise their wrong and come and settle things with us. But it often happens that it is we who are suffering on our side, and it appears to be so unjust.

Forgiving others is a natural sequel to our receiving forgiveness for our sins from God. We know we have sinned against God and perhaps others, and that what we really deserve is punishment. We are very happy to receive forgiveness from God as an undeserved favour from Him. But when it comes to forgiving someone else who has done wrong to us, it is often that we feel that they don't deserve to be forgiven. But God helps us by reminding us to think of the way He has forgiven us when we have to forgive others (Co.3:13).

Forgiving others is a decision we make to withdraw our complaints against them and to leave them to God. This does not mean that automatically God forgives them. Even if we have forgiven someone, unless they go to God in repentance, God cannot forgive them. But that is God's business. We do our part by letting them go free from us, remembering that we have no right to judge them.

After forgiving someone, we are often troubled by the memory of what they have done to us, and reliving that in our mind makes us suffer all over again! That is when this verse helps us, "A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, And it is his glory to overlook a transgression" (Pr.19:11). We must learn to overlook the other's sin. When we do that, it is like ignoring it. Then we can treat the others in our mind just as if they had not done that sin. We stop thinking of their sins again and again and reliving the pain, but we put them in the past and move on. Whenever that memory comes up, we tell ourselves that we have already dealt with it and that we are not going to go down that path and waste our time again. That will give us peace.

There are chances that the other person has not even realised that they have done anything wrong! Or they have, but they do not want to deal with it for various reasons. If they are friendly with us, we can deal with them by overlooking their sin and behaving as if it never happened (Ro.12:18).

But there may be other cases where the other person is hostile towards us still, and does not want to settle things with us. Then we have to accept that as a fact and behave wisely towards them. Sometimes we may be in a position to win them over with our goodness, and at other times we will be wise to avoid them. That is decided by their attitude towards us. Our heart will be right when we have forgiven them and put away the old habit of reliving those incidents in our mind.