So far as it depends on you

"If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men" (Ro.12:18). This is about trying to keep the peace on our side even when others do not give or receive peace. But that opens up the subject of so many other things that we cannot control. A lot of things do not depend only on us but also on others. For example, if one person in a marriage is bent on creating trouble, the other spouse will find it frustrating, however much they try. It will bring us great relief if we accept the fact that we are not meant to be in control of everything around us. For example, God does not expect us to ensure peace in every situation we are involved with. God specifically asks us to give an account of only our own life, because we are really not in control of things outside of us (Ro.14:12). Even when God gives us authority over others, as in the case of parents over children, since we are not the only ones who influence them, we must recognise the limits of our responsibility and not take the entire blame for anything going wrong.

When we do not reconcile with this fact that we cannot control everything, we open up possibilities where we are going to be frustrated. For example, when we have apologised to someone and he does not forgive us, we can become so agitated. But we have done our part, what is within our control, and the agitation is because we cannot control the other person's response! But that is not something God expects us to control. That is really this other person's problem, not ours!

When we think deeply about this we can understand that a lot of anger and frustration are coming because we are unable to control other people's reactions. But the more we recognise that we cannot have peace from everyone, some people may never change, some relationships may never improve, some people have to be borne with, it is safer for us to keep a safe distance from some, some must be avoided, etc., the more we make place for peace in our own heart and mind. One common mistake we can make is to unconsciously hold ourselves responsible for other people's behaviour.

There are things we can change, and there are many other things we have no control over. Many people spend a lot of energy and time trying to change things that must be, instead, accepted as a reality of life. Then our focus will shift from trying to change those people or situations that we cannot change, to changing our approach to dealing with the others in a way that will not lose our peace.

Think of the almighty and sovereign God after He created us with having our free will. This has resulted in so many things that have gone bad from His point of view. But He anticipated this even before He decided to create us. Now when He deals with all the chaos, His own heart is at perfect peace. Even though this is not an exact parallel for us, because we are not God and there are limits to what we can do, isn't there something we can learn from this?